Lance Armstrong Tests positive for Performance Enhancing Car

Seven time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong has tested positive for using a performance enhancing car. Armstrong, who is currently in 31st place in this year’s Tour de France, claims that the test was faulty and that he has never used an automobile to gain an advantage in a bike race.“I maintain that I never have and never will use a performance enhancing car,” Armstrong told reporters. “These allegations are absurd.”

Despite Lance’s vehement denial, several riders claim to have seen Lance ascend the Port de Pailhères, one of the tour’s most arduous climbs, in a car. “Yea, he blatantly passed me in a car,” said defending tour champion Alberto Contador. “I’m not sure how he still didn’t win the stage, though.”

Lance Armstrong is the second American athlete to test positive for a performance enhancing substance this month after swimmer Michael Phelps failed a test for performance enhancing jet skis.

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