Sound Off: You Wanna Autograph? I’ll Sign Ya Something

When the Ravens begin training camp on July 27^th in Westminster, a new controversial autograph policy will go into effect–only fans ages 6 to 15 will have the privilege of capturing a post-practice autograph from their favorite Ravens players.

In response to what some consider a hugely unfair and Draconian rule, the Baltimore airwaves have been set ablaze by infuriated, loyal, taxpaying Ravens fans causing a statewide stink.  I have heard it all this week:  “Are the Ravens trying to alienate their fans, like the O’s?”, “ I’ve gotten my favorite player’s autograph at training camp every year since the Ravens came to Baltimore”, “Those guys make millions, why can’t I make 75 bucks off their autograph?”, “ It’s not my fault a 9 year old only weighs 70lbs. and can’t handle a hip check during the mad rush to the players like it’s the Running of the Bulls…they’re not my kids!”, blah, blah, blah…

Fans have been complaining that they want an opportunity to interact with the players.  You want interaction?  How about this– ineligible fans can volunteer to take live reps, unpadded, with the players; maybe run a few crossing patterns in front of Ed Reed, or some pancake drills vs. Ogden.  LIVE enough for ya?  Afterward, you’ll be doing a lot of “interacting” with Hopkins.

Now, I am not totally anti-autograph, but let’s keep this in perspective, people.  For those of you who are unsure if you’re eligible, here’s a checklist for you:

You know you’re too old to get an autograph if…

• You decided to shave before you went to training camp because you consider it a “special occasion”.
• Your license plate reads #1 RVNFAN.
• You’re looking to sling Flacco’s autograph for beer money this weekend in Ocean City.
• You show up wearing Zubaz pants and a Starter jacket. 

• The little girl in front of you in line excitedly turns around after getting Ray Rice’s autograph, and runs, face first, into your junk.
• You live in your mother’s basement.
• You’re willing to barter your wedding ring in exchange for a few strokes of a Sharpie.
• You’ve been clinically diagnosed for being “Wacko for Flacco”.
• You can’t eat spicy food after 5PM.
• You know Wham! was the British duo of George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley.

Bottom line:  It’s some dude scribbling, literally, his name on something you own (essentially, vandalism) and you claim its worth X amount.  I’m sorry, the “market” determines” that.  So, you still want an autograph?  I’ll sign ya something.

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