NCAA Probes Maryland Football Program, Finds No Evidence of Football Program

The NCAA’s investigation into possible violations at North Carolina has now spilled over into other football programs in the ACC.  A source close to UNC’s program tipped off investigators about other possible violations at rival ACC schools, notably Maryland.

Investigators followed the lead to College Park over the weekend where it became clear that Maryland’s football program is non-existent.

“We asked repeatedly to speak with someone from the football team, like, say, the head coach!–and they kept sending us to the damn Sigma Kappa Phi house,” said one investigator who was clearly agitated.  Sig Kap is the home of the legendary intramural flag football program that has won 34 consecutive championships.

"The Fridge" aka The Impostor

Eventually, investigators caught up with men’s basketball coach, Gary Williams.  Williams called a man he referred to as “The Fridge” to his office and introduced him as the head football coach. “The Fridge” could not produce any evidence of a football program, however was very forceful in letting investigators know Subway is the official sponsor of Maryland athletics. It was later discovered that “The Fridge” is an impostor as head football coach and his real identity is a sandwich artist, and avid Jared fan, named Ralph at a local Subway.

After the findings at Maryland, the NCAA is concerned that other cases of non-existent football programs could be found throughout the ACC at schools such as NC State, Virginia, Duke and Wake Forest.

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