A co-worker makes clear to Matsko that his shirt is peach, not orange.

An honest, yet costly, mistake was made by a Chicago Blackhawk intern yesterday.  Gordon Matsko (Jr. Business Mgmt.), an intern working in the Blackhawks front office this summer, accidently faxed the wrong form to NHL offices and as a result, the team had to part ways with their Stanley Cup winning goalie, Antti Niemi.  The faux pas has now fueled a heated back-and-forth between the intern and the GM.

“Idiot!  What the hell’s wrong with that kid?” shouted Blackhawks GM, Stan Bowman, when told about the intern’s mishap.

“He [Bowman] told me to fax the goldenrod form and I accidently sent the regular gold one—my bad!” said Matsko, as he was quick to defend himself.  “Who the hell knows what color goldenrod is?”

“That’s some education he’s getting at Northwestern.  Maybe Gordo should look into an elementary art elective.”  Bowman shot back at the intern.  “Goldenrod clearly has more of an orange-ish hue.  Maybe daddy should buy him a color wheel!”

“Now he’s just getting carried away and blowing this thing waaay out of proportion!”  The intern continued to hold his ground against the GM.  “Niemi and the Hawks aren’t exactly Cup collectors.  He [Niemi] comes in here for one season and wins the first Cup in like, 50 freakin’ years—Yay!  Dude [Bowman] needs to chill out.”

“I’ll just have to look into how I can jeopardize the kid’s future, now.  Make some phone calls,” said Bowman as he became vengeful.  “He might want to figure out which shade of gold the Golden Arches are…if ya know what I’m sayin’?”

Members of the Blackhawks front office reassuring Matsko it's ok, we all make mistakes.

“This is getting tough now,” admitted Matsko as the intern was becoming distraught.  “I can’t even walk down the hall without somebody reaching out and rubbing a stank-ass glove in my face or slashing me in the shins.  Some douchbag got me with a high stick above the eye and I had to get 22 stitches last night.  Oh, and when I was in the bathroom, one player thought it was real funny when he cross-checked me in the back while I was pissin’.”

“I don’t see any problem with it,” claimed Bowman as he justified the fallout from Matsko’s mistake.  “The punishment fits the crime.”

Playing for the Portland Junior Pirates League in Maine, the Caps had the urgency to go after the kid and make sure he would be a Capital for life. “We felt that in the current NHL industry, good players must be locked up for an extensive period of time,” said majority owner Ted Leonsis, “We wanted to go for more, but we thought that signing Olivi till he was 45 was enough.”

For Wahlstrom to collect all of his $200 million, he must follow certain expectations. Leonsis explained, “He must complete high school with a 3.0 GPA, reach first base with a girl before he is given a uniform number, and he must be able to grow facial hair for those playoff beards. This isn’t everything either. We have a lot going into this young man and think that he will put us over the top, and get us that Stanley Cup.”

“We’ve been down 2-0, we’ve been down 3-0,” said coach Peter Laviolette.  “But we’ve never been down 2-1.  This is tough.  We know how to handle those deficits but having never come back from 2-1 down, well, I’ve got to say I don’t know how we’re going to do it.”

Blackhawks forward Patrick Kane knows his team dodged a bullet.  “We definitely got lucky.  If we had won the game they’d have had us right where they wanted us.  But now we know we’re in control of this series.”

Claude Giroux saw his night go from elation after scoring the game-winner at 14:01 of overtime to despair when he realized the untenable position he put his team in.

“I don’t know, I guess we should have let them score in OT.  I never really thought about the implications of trying to win that game.”

Flyers Goalie Michael Leighton thinks the team just needs to adjust its strategy.  “I should probably just let them win game 4.  I know we’d feel more comfortable down 3-1 than tied at 2 apiece.  No one will really think its odd if I spot them 7 goals.  I mean, have you followed my career? “

Immediately after the show aired, BFP units were dispatched to ESPN Studios. “This was his fourth violation in as many weeks,” said Sergeant Enrico-Coco Dior, “Mr. Melrose has been consistently challenging our authority. Captain Claiborne called me and basically said, ‘No more warnings, bring him in,’ so I brought him in.”

An attorney for Mr. Melrose issued this statement, “Dude can’t dress.”

UPDATE:  All charges were dropped when Melrose simply walked out of the salon where he was being held. Apparently, BFP officers are only armed with Spray Wax and Follicle Stimulators .

Backstrom is thrilled about his new deal and making a long term commitment to Ovechkin.  “Alex is the only guy I want to play with while I’m in Washington and that’s what we got now.  We no longer have to have to worry about other guys being paired with us on our line, “Backstrom noted.  “It’s ours for at least the next 10 years.  Hopefully, we can raise some younger kids in our system and someday all share a cup together.  It would make a nice mantle-piece in our summer home in Sweden, “he joked.

The round, squishy, cartoonish guy the Caps employ behind the bench to oversee the high scoring couple, coach Bruce Boudreau, commented when he got news of Backstrom’s extension, “When I heard the news I thought that it was not only great for Washington, and the people in Washington and the fans, but for the team.  These two have a great chemistry and really know how to use each other’s skills and it’s a real treat for the fans.  It gets me excited on a daily basis even when they practice together!”  Some have already started speculating that Backstrom and Ovechkin’s new “bromance” could cause friction in the locker room with the other pair of what are dubbed the “Young Guns”, in Washington, Mike Green and Alexander Semin.  Green and Semin hope to form a “bromance” of their own before the jealousy becomes too much handle.

When the question of who will handle restaurant tabs, interior decorating decisions, the weekly grocery shopping, what color skates they wear, what brand stick they use, and other critical decisions in the relationship, Backstrom stated that it could be tough at times, and that he and Ovechkin may have to resort to “stick, puck, net”, hockey lingo for “rock, paper, scissors”, to settle disputes.  A little “bromantic rivalry”, if you will.

Note:  Backstrom and Ovechkin have reportedly signed a deal with Easton to start a new line of sticks, exclusively for their use.

Crosby pointed out that the Penguins had not placed anyone, notably Marc-Andre Fluery, in front of their net for the deciding game 7 and that the Canadians should serve a 5-minute major for too many men on the ice and a game misconduct ejection if Halak was re-inserted in front of the net after the penalty.  Halak was permitted to maintain his position in front of the net despite Crosby’s teeny-bopper whining.  Throughout the game, to show his displeasure for the Canadians lack of sportsmanship, before leaving the ice on a shift change, Crosby repeatedly threw his stick against the boards, picked up the puck, and took it with him.

As a result of Crosby’s antics, there was  an NHL record of 147 faceoffs during the game.  In the post game presser, Crosby cited statistical evidence to support his actions by saying, “I had 1 b.s. goal in the series.  I mean, look at tonight.  I had an open net, an easy goal, and Halak moved over and got in my way again!  Obviously, it’s an unfair advantage for them.  If I don’t get treated like a superstar, I’ll just take my things and go home.”