All Entries in the "Football" Category
Charlie Sheen Hired as Oakland Raiders Coach
As the Charlie Sheen sage continues swirling and winning it’s way through the media, things took another turn for the bizarre when the actor-turned-viral crazy guy Sheen was hired to be the next head coach of the Oakland Raiders. Infamous 112-year-old Raiders owner Al Davis was apparently attracted to Sheen’s catch phrase, “Winning!” as it [...]
Free Agent Sports-Talk Caller Ed From Arbutus to Stay With Baltimore
Free agent sports-talk radio caller Ed From Arbutus is expected to remain with the Baltimore Ravens after rumors of possibly going to the Chicago Bears to become Ed From Aurura. The frequent caller released a statement saying “While I have tremendous respect for the Bears and their championship-caliber franchise and would have been honored to [...]
ESPN Expected to Launch New ESPN-ESPN
The Entertainment and Sports Programming Network (ESPN) will soon announce yet another platform to add to current spinoff channels ESPN2, ESPN-Classic, ESPN-News, ESPN-U, ESPN-3, and their recently well-received regional web ventures such as ESPN-Boston, ESPN-Chicago, ESPN-Dallas, ESPN-LA, and ESPN-NY, the new ESPN-W for women, and I think they still print ESPN The Magazine. The new [...]
NFL to Exhume Hendrix for Next Super Bowl Halftime
The NFL is looking to partner with Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, and other groups to fund a billion-dollar project to exhume Jimi Hendrix and bring him back to life to perform at next year’s Super Bowl halftime show. After the horrifying debacle that was the Black Eyed Peas attempt at a musical performance, the league [...]
Attention from Snyder Suit Saves Struggling City Paper
Washington Redskins owner Dan Snyder has single-handedly revived D.C.’s struggling alternative weekly City Paper by inadvertently directing 14,682 page views per hour to their website since suing them for publishing negative stuff about him that is all true. The accidental deal, similar in scope to AOL’s recent $315 million buyout of the Huffington Post, is [...]
President’s Day Should Be the Day After the Super Bowl
Forget about what were the best Super Bowl commercials and the emergence of Aaron Rodgers and the Lombardi Trophy’s return to Titletown. There’s a bigger angle today. It’s so obvious, I’m glad I thought of it. I need to figure out a way to make money off this idea, but I’d settle for just getting [...]
Some Lunch Meat Company Giving Away VIP Weekend for HOF 2011
The NFL announced a new Hall of Fame promotion with VIP access for 400 fans to the 2011 festivities in Canton, OH. Sponsored by Land O’Frost, a lunch meat company you’ve never heard of… and let’s face it we probably shouldn’t be eating sketchy sliced meats from people we don’t know, the contest offers fans [...]
Put the Women and Children to Bed: Big Ben is in Town
Back for another…Steelers week causes it. Oh Big Ben, it’s too easy.
Unemployment Continues to Rise Among New England Weed Dealers
BOSTON – Reeling from major unanticipated losses, the New England region’s struggling marijuana industry is expected to see the lowest sales figures in decades in 2010. The region’s struggling pot dealers have taken hit after hit the past few years, culminating with the October trade that sent Randy Moss to the Minnesota Vikings. The industry [...]
Gruden Really Likes “That Guy”
ESPN’s Monday Night Football analyst Jon Gruden really likes That Guy, cuz That Guy is just a guy you want on your football team. While That Guy’s identity hasn’t been confirmed, Chucky has given in-game hints like “That Guy is a football player” during telecasts. The League has yet to comment on numerous blog reports [...]
Still the Same
Bob Seger re-writes a classic to honor the beginning of the end for ol’ #4.
BCS Computer Kills Creator, Attempts to Enslave Humanity
After discovering that the BCS computer murdered the six creators of its polls, authorities now suspect that the controversial ranking system is trying to enslave humanity.
The Football Gods Hate the Chargers
The San Diego Chargers are in trouble with the Football Gods.
Trick or Treat: Ravens Celebrate During Bye Week
Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat. If only the DB’s could be this all year.
New Black Mascot Causes Several Deaths among Ole Miss Alumni
The University of Mississippi’s new mascot, Rebel Black Bear, has been met with extreme disapproval by many of the school’s alumni. As of today, the deaths of 34 alumni have been tied to the new mascot.