All Entries in the "Basketball" Category
16 Seed BU: “We’re Screwed”
TULSA – Fresh off winning their first America East championship in nine years, the Boston University Terriers were disheartened to learn that they were being rewarded with the No. 16 seed in the Southwest region for the upcoming NCAA tournament. ”Man, I couldn’t believe it,” said senior forward John Holland. “I was all excited, ready [...]
Knicks Get Third Person From Nuggets in Melo Trade
The New York Knicks have acquired third person from the Denver Nuggets in the trade that brought Carmelo Anthony and Chauncey Billups to the Big Apple. “Playing in New York for the Knicks is something Carmelo Anthony has always dreamed of,” said Anthony, referring to himself in third person. While still in Denver dealing with [...]
Ray Allen’s Mom Claims Maternity
Flo Allen was in attendance at this weekend’s NBA All-Star festivities, just as she is often seen at Celtics games, claiming to be the mother of superstar sharpshooter Ray Allen. “THAT’S MY BOY!” has been her only statement, although it’s sometimes worded “THAT’S MY BABY,” but to her credit she has screamed it 14,682 times [...]
ESPN Expected to Launch New ESPN-ESPN
The Entertainment and Sports Programming Network (ESPN) will soon announce yet another platform to add to current spinoff channels ESPN2, ESPN-Classic, ESPN-News, ESPN-U, ESPN-3, and their recently well-received regional web ventures such as ESPN-Boston, ESPN-Chicago, ESPN-Dallas, ESPN-LA, and ESPN-NY, the new ESPN-W for women, and I think they still print ESPN The Magazine. The new [...]
Miami Heat Have Righted Ship: Think Spoelstra Can Lead Them to White Castle
After a tumultuous start to a pressure-filled season, the Miami Heat seemed to have turned a corner and gelled under Head Coach Erick Spoelstra to the point that sources with knowledge of LeBron James’ thinking say the team is confident that Spoelstra can lead them to White Castle. A lot of people criticized this team, [...]
Unemployment Continues to Rise Among New England Weed Dealers
BOSTON – Reeling from major unanticipated losses, the New England region’s struggling marijuana industry is expected to see the lowest sales figures in decades in 2010. The region’s struggling pot dealers have taken hit after hit the past few years, culminating with the October trade that sent Randy Moss to the Minnesota Vikings. The industry [...]
Carter Asks Magic to Make Him Part-Time
ORLANDO – After a demanding 82 game season and a run to the NBA’s Eastern Conference Finals, Orlando Magic forward Vince Carter is exhausted and would like his team to do something to keep him from getting so tired in the 2010-11 season. “I think it would be good for everyone if I was just [...]
Stern Warning: Don’t Mention It
NBA Commissioner David Stern has strongly advised Washington Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas not to talk about his gun incident from last season. Y’know, that one. Anyway, it’s a win-win because Stern wants the consumer-public to move along since there’s nothing to see here and Arenas is probably glad to have official backing to say “no [...]
Picture of the Day
This years batch of Terrible Towels has lead to the firing of a sports legend.
WNBA to Lower Baskets, Improve Uniforms
To increase excitement, the WNBA will lower their baskets and reduce their uniforms.
Clippers Ritualistically Sacrifice Randy Foye, Look to Avoid Knee Injuries
The Clippers sacrifice guard Randy Foye to the Basketball Gods in an attempt to avoid the injuries that have notoriously plagued them.
Bulls, McGrady: Diagnosis Negative
The Chicago Bulls set two prerequisites for free-agent, Tracy McGrady, to pass their evaluation and be offered a contract for the 2010-11 season. McGrady had been asked to complete Anatomy 101: Head, Shoulders, Knees, And Toes, to help the Bulls staff identify and evaluate his laundry list of injuries, and Career Development 405: Know Your [...]
White People Look to Trade Assists
White people put Assists on the trading block in an effort to bolster athleticism
Magic and MJ: Enough Already
There’s been a lot of talk and reporting of such talk that Michael Jordan and/or Magic Johnson would not have done what Lebron James did. No, not just that foolish TV special announcing that he was leaving Cleveland for Miami, but the fact that he’s joining Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh instead of trying to [...]
Top 10 Reasons Lebron Left Cleveland
Except the entire city of Cleveland and the state of Ohio. Really, LeBron? And what about the kids?…The kids!