Author Archive for ZackFritz
Zack, a junior at Auburn University, originally hails from Bowie, Maryland. He thought about leaving school early to test the waters of the NBA draft, but decided to stay in school and work on his creative writing degree. Zack secretly fears that he'll never achieve his dream of being a professional athlete, and he writes for the SportsCrab as a way of coping.
Lance Armstrong Tests positive for Performance Enhancing Car
Lance Armstrong has reportedly tested positive for using a performance enhancing car.
Mr. Met Diagnosed with Terminal Brain Cancer
Mr. Met, long time New York Mets’ mascot, has been diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor.
Orioles Remind Fans that Wieters is Exciting
In an effort to bolster ticket sales, the Orioles attempt to rekindle the hype around Matt Wieters.
Little Leaguer Walks in Six Runs, Demoted to AA Orphanage
Jimmy Defoe, the eleven-year-old son of Little-League baseball enthusiast Stephen Defoe, was optioned to the AA orphanage after his team, the Arlington Cobras, lost on Saturday.
Haynesworth Unable to Grasp Concept of 3-4 Defense
Albert Haynesworth has become frustrated with his inability to understand the incredibly simple 3-4 defense
Owens Captivated by Reflection, Incident Almost Fatal
Terrell Owens, after becoming entranced by his own reflection, remains in a stable condition.
Strasburg Possibly Related to Jesus Christ
Stephen Strasburg, who issued fourteen strikeouts and no walks in his Major League debut, may be the son of God.
Joyce Admits it was Really Fun Ruining Perfect Game
Jim Joyce, veteran umpire and life-long sadist, had the “time of his life” breaking up Armando Galarraga’s bid for a perfect game.
Celtics Suspect Kobe Overcompensating, Plan to Exploit Insecurities
The Boston Celtics think Kobe Bryant is insecure, and plan to exploit it in the finals.
Surprise NBA Finalist Celtics Ready to Mail it in
Celtics warn fans that they probably won’t be very competitive in the NBA finals.
Americans Prepare to Feign Excitement about World Cup
With less than three weeks until the World Cup, Americans have begun pretending to like soccer.
Duke Gets Verbal Commitment from Hardworking Caucasian Recruit
Duke lands coveted 2012 recruit.
Alex Rodriguez Tragically Not One of Injured Yankees
Yankee’s third basemen Alex Rodriguez, unfortunately, remains healthy.
Flacco, Unibrow, Ready for 2010 Season
Joe Flacco, going into his third season as Raven’s starting quarterback, thinks his improved unibrow will bolster the Raven’s passing attack.