Author Archive for Todd Levinson Frank
Todd Levinson Frank is a freelance writer, musician (well, drummer), husband, and father of one. He also writes for RealFootball365.com and MusicEmissions.com, and his personal blog can be found at http://clownschool.wordpress.com. His other hobbies include making long drives commuting to his day job and writing bio's about himself in third person. He's never won a Grammy or a Pulitzer Prize.
Charlie Sheen Hired as Oakland Raiders Coach
As the Charlie Sheen sage continues swirling and winning it’s way through the media, things took another turn for the bizarre when the actor-turned-viral crazy guy Sheen was hired to be the next head coach of the Oakland Raiders. Infamous 112-year-old Raiders owner Al Davis was apparently attracted to Sheen’s catch phrase, “Winning!” as it [...]
Knicks Get Third Person From Nuggets in Melo Trade
The New York Knicks have acquired third person from the Denver Nuggets in the trade that brought Carmelo Anthony and Chauncey Billups to the Big Apple. “Playing in New York for the Knicks is something Carmelo Anthony has always dreamed of,” said Anthony, referring to himself in third person. While still in Denver dealing with [...]
Ray Allen’s Mom Claims Maternity
Flo Allen was in attendance at this weekend’s NBA All-Star festivities, just as she is often seen at Celtics games, claiming to be the mother of superstar sharpshooter Ray Allen. “THAT’S MY BOY!” has been her only statement, although it’s sometimes worded “THAT’S MY BABY,” but to her credit she has screamed it 14,682 times [...]
Free Agent Sports-Talk Caller Ed From Arbutus to Stay With Baltimore
Free agent sports-talk radio caller Ed From Arbutus is expected to remain with the Baltimore Ravens after rumors of possibly going to the Chicago Bears to become Ed From Aurura. The frequent caller released a statement saying “While I have tremendous respect for the Bears and their championship-caliber franchise and would have been honored to [...]
NFL to Exhume Hendrix for Next Super Bowl Halftime
The NFL is looking to partner with Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, and other groups to fund a billion-dollar project to exhume Jimi Hendrix and bring him back to life to perform at next year’s Super Bowl halftime show. After the horrifying debacle that was the Black Eyed Peas attempt at a musical performance, the league [...]
Sanchez Joins Creepy Jets Legends
NY Jets QB Mark Sanchez not only keeps company with the likes of Ben Roethlisberger and Joe Flacco for early-career playoff runs, he’s also the heir apparent to creepy Jets quarterbacks. While Broadway Joe Namath’s exploits and partying ways were quaint back in the boys-will-be-boys good old days, if it happened now there would be [...]
President’s Day Should Be the Day After the Super Bowl
Forget about what were the best Super Bowl commercials and the emergence of Aaron Rodgers and the Lombardi Trophy’s return to Titletown. There’s a bigger angle today. It’s so obvious, I’m glad I thought of it. I need to figure out a way to make money off this idea, but I’d settle for just getting [...]
Miami Heat Have Righted Ship: Think Spoelstra Can Lead Them to White Castle
After a tumultuous start to a pressure-filled season, the Miami Heat seemed to have turned a corner and gelled under Head Coach Erick Spoelstra to the point that sources with knowledge of LeBron James’ thinking say the team is confident that Spoelstra can lead them to White Castle. A lot of people criticized this team, [...]
Gruden Really Likes “That Guy”
ESPN’s Monday Night Football analyst Jon Gruden really likes That Guy, cuz That Guy is just a guy you want on your football team. While That Guy’s identity hasn’t been confirmed, Chucky has given in-game hints like “That Guy is a football player” during telecasts. The League has yet to comment on numerous blog reports [...]
Red Sox Storm Field to Celebrate Yankees Loss
As the Texas Rangers go to their first-ever World Series, the streets of Boston were packed with partiers reveling in the madness of the New York Yankee defeat. Most Red Sox fans were so thrilled and relieved to have New York out of the playoffs so they won’t have to think about them even though [...]
Patriots’ BenJarvus Green-Ellis Is Just One Guy
BenJarvus Green-Ellis is just one running back for the New England Patriots. He’s not two guys, it’s not running back by committee, and he’s not a law firm.
Gruden Makes Obvious Point (part 2 billion)
So far this season, ESPN Monday Night Football announcer Jon Gruden is leading the league in saying stuff about football that is blandly inoffensive and obvious to most fans. During last Monday’s telecast of the Patriots-Dolphins game, Gruden broke the news that “Over the last several years, Bill Belichick has been about as good as [...]
RIP George Blanda, But How Is Jim Plunkett’s Health?
Legendary NFL Hall-of-Famer George Blanda died recently. RIP and all that, but what I really want to know is: How is Jim Plunkett’s health? See, a few years ago I signed up for some stupid NFL Visa card, and one of my sign-up gifts was a white mini helmet with the NFL logo on one [...]
Stern Warning: Don’t Mention It
NBA Commissioner David Stern has strongly advised Washington Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas not to talk about his gun incident from last season. Y’know, that one. Anyway, it’s a win-win because Stern wants the consumer-public to move along since there’s nothing to see here and Arenas is probably glad to have official backing to say “no [...]
