Author Archive for Rocco
Rocco is an environmental scientist by day, barely dealing with anything environmental and absolutely nothing scientific and a parody blogger by night. His sports allegiances lie scattered because he takes a scientific approach to following any specific team. He is a firm believer the Orioles will win the AL East in 2012, based on exactly zero scientific evidence. He admires the Ravens for their color scheme and would like see the NHL come to Baltimore. The Baltimore Skipjacks, anyone? He is also convinced he could tell people he is Algerian and they would believe him. He looks good in lime green.
NCAA Probes Maryland Football Program, Finds No Evidence of Football Program
The NCAA’s investigation into possible violations at North Carolina has now spilled over into other football programs in the ACC. A source close to UNC’s program tipped off investigators about other possible violations at rival ACC schools, notably Maryland. Investigators followed the lead to College Park over the weekend where it became clear that Maryland’s [...]
Sound Off: You Wanna Autograph? I’ll Sign Ya Something
But I want an autograph, too…
Vick Drunk Dials For the Kids
In the aftermath of his birthday party in which one party-goer had a gun-firing good time, Michal Vick has had his travel plans anywhere outside of Pennsylvania, halted. This presented a problem for Vick because he was scheduled to appear at a youth football camp in Raleigh, NC and at his own charity golf tournament [...]
Top 10 Reasons Lebron Left Cleveland
Except the entire city of Cleveland and the state of Ohio. Really, LeBron? And what about the kids?…The kids!
Ink It, LeBron to Sign With “Candles By Cathy”
In a battle that has lasted months, all taking place behind the hoopla surrounding the speculation of where LeBron James will sign, no one had been asking “who” the free-agent-to-be will sign with. On the eve of the NBA free agent market opening, LeBron’s agent has issued a press release indicating when it comes time [...]
Report: Several US Soccer Fans Stranded After Bandwagon Service Halted
A news source out of Albuquerque is reporting that about a dozen or so, fair weather US soccer fans have been sighted roaming through a barren wasteland, near Bluewater, NM, today. The quad-annual fans had boarded a Greyhound sponsored bandwagon in NJ, which was scheduled to sweep across the country while watching all US World [...]
FIFA to Switch to Steel Toe Boots to Boost Ratings
Taking inspiration from U2’s World Cup theme song, “Get Your Boots On”, FIFA officials have decided that players will be required to wear steel toe boots in the Knockout Round. An official was quoted, “We’re tired of everyone bitchin’ about how football, or soccer, whatever, isn’t a contact sport and how the players are pansies, [...]
US Victory Sparks Pizza Parties Nationwide
Their parents never said anything about taking pizza from strangers. In Pretoria, South Africa, at just about lunchtime EST in America, Landon Donovan scored the most storied and dramatic goal in US soccer history to date, as it lifted the US over Algeria and into the Knockout Round of the 2010 World Cup. Meanwhile, back [...]
Yankees Sign Lady Gaga To Improve Image
Lady Gaga was acquired by the Yankees to improve their team image after her clubhouse pop-in on Sunday. It has been reported that Gaga discreetly slipped by security dressed as a Kermit the Frog Tree. “I just assumed she was here as part of the next promo night. Are they having a Kermit the Frog [...]
Strasburg K’s Obama, Nationals Face Sanctions
On Friday night, President Obama did not have plans (Nancy Pelosi’s surprise party was cancelled because Joe Biden couldn’t keep his mouth shut), so he went to Nationals Park to see what all the hype around Stephen Strasburg was all about as the Nats took on his hometown White Sox. Then, in the 7th inning [...]
OMG! Tim Tebow Sighting
ENGLEWOOD, CO—The Denver Broncos first round draft pick, Tim Tebow, was spotted on the practice field yesterday, after a mini-camp, doing football related moves. A handful of veterans looked on and were awestruck by Tebow’s actions. One player called Tebow’s jumping-jack form “glorious”. “At one point the dude sat down, reached out, and touched his [...]
…10, 11, 47, 12…Conferences and Counting
Now that conference commissioners, university presidents, and athletic directors can calmly and collectively put out the fires in their hair, after averting Armageddon, they can now begin to focus on a problem that has suddenly plagued collegiate conferences: counting. After Texas announced that they were staying in the Big 12 and saving the conference from [...]