Author Archive for Mark Harari
Mark is a native Baltimorean who loves sports and thinks he's funny.
Picture of the Day
This years batch of Terrible Towels has lead to the firing of a sports legend.
Picture of the Day
New ESPN docu-drama in production, check it out >>
IronBirds take advantage of meltdowns, literally. Win 6-2.
The Aberdeen IronBirds took advantage of multiple “errors” during Tuesday night’s scorcher to defeat the Lowell Spinners 6-2. Manager Gary Kendall was unavailable for comment due to a melting face.
Photo of the Day
Geico Caveman wins Wimbledon, tries to eat trophy. [see image]
NBA Free agency begins, Spike in Knee Pad Sales Reported
The greatest crop of NBA free agents ever to hit the open market began at 12:01 am today. Not surprisingly, Tommyco Kneepads, inc. is reporting a dramatic spike in their knee pad sales as NBA teams line up to woo the players. “The Total Flex GEL Sure Grip” is the [knee] pad of choice,” says [...]
Baltimore Mariners Undefeated, Mercury Morris on the Defensive
“I hope their bus crashes and turns into a twisted heap of bus parts.” That was Eugene “Mercury” Morris’ comments immediately following Saturday’s game.
Photo of the Day
Who is Boog Powell waiving to? Check out our image of the day to find out.
How to Play the Vuvuzela
New SCTV original: How to Play the Vuvuzela (without a vuvuzela).
Photo of the Day
Italy’s soccer team prepares for Slovakia. A behind the scenes look at their practice routine.
Have it Uruguay
Uruguay defeated World Cup host South Africa today 3:0, making sports reporters around the United States giddy with excitement. They are now able to use catchy headlines like It’s Uruguay or the Highway, Time to Find Uruguay Home and Have it Uruguay. ESPN has undoubtedly already used all three in the same sentence.
Photo of the Day
6 reasons to follow USC in spite of sanctions…
Orioles Lobby for Rollover Runs Program
Orioles President of Baseball Operations Andy MacPhail is preparing to begin his campaign to upgrade the Orioles into a rollover runs program.
Manning’s Neck Surgery a Success, Can Now Retract Head Like a Turtle
Peyton Manning’s neck surgery has alleviated his concerns of receiving a serious head injury for the remainder of his career. “I can’t afford to screw with this mug. Come on, you saw me on SNL…”
FIFA Players Complain About Ball, Adidas Says Suck it
JOHANNESBURG — Adidas traditionally launches new balls every four years for the World Cup, and it typically causes some whining by players who aren’t used to the new technology. This year is no different. The latest ball from Adidas is called Jabulani, which means “deal with it you pansy-ass whiner” in isiZulu. But many players [...]
Melrose Arrested by Bristol Fashion Police
CONNECTICUT– ESPN’s NHL analyst Barry Melrose was arrested earlier today for violating Bristol’s fashion code. Melrose appeared on Sports Center wearing a back pinstriped pseudo-zoot-suit and black and white striped tie. Immediately after the show aired, BFP units were dispatched to ESPN Studios. “This was his fourth violation in as many weeks,” said Sergeant Enrico-Coco [...]